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I’m writing a book. The working title is: Reinventing Mindset: A rapid, evidence-based guide to manage stress, improve performance and play your infinite game.

And I need your help.

For this book to have the impact I want, I’m releasing each chapter as I write it for feedback.

So please, as I share these, let me know:

What do you love? What do you hate? Is there something missing? Is there something to be removed? Do you have any questions? Does this need more examples?

Here are the previous chapters:

1. Start Here
2. Mindset Lessons From My Toughest Olympic Moment
3. My 2016 Crucible And Why Psychological Flexibility Matters
4. Contemplating Death: The Unexpected Path To Personal Commitment
5. Open Up: Two Proven Methods To Manage Stress In Work, Health and Relationships
6. Be Present: 3 Mindfulness Techniques I Wish I’d Known That Don’t Take More Time

Thank you in advance! Let’s jump into Chapter 7.

Imagine this.

I smash glass on the floor in front of you.

I ask you: “Would you be willing to walk over the glass in bare feet?”

Clearly the response would be: “No thanks.”

So let me change just one condition – same smashed glass, same bare feet.

Bring to mind the person or people most important to you in the world. They are on the other side of the glass. They’re in distress and need your help.

Then I ask: “Would you now be willing to walk over the glass in bare feet?”

Typically there is the opposite response.

When I run this exercise in a room full of people, the head shakes turn to nods in an instant.

Why would we change our response so dramatically, so quickly? What does that change show?

It shows us a couple of things:

1. That humans are terrible at suffering pointless pain.
2. But, when we are clear about the importance of what it is on the other side of the glass, humanity is extraordinary. We won’t just endure pain, we will embrace it in service of what truly matters to us.
3. And, in that moment, we need to recognise that the pain itself doesn’t change – the fear, the glass, our bare feet, the implications for our health and lives ahead. None of that has changed. What has changed is our relationship to the pain. While it doesn’t make it any more comfortable or diminish the pain itself, we are now willing to accept it in service of what truly matters to us.

The broken glass is a great metaphor for the tough or unhelpful thoughts, feelings and physiological sensations that show up for all of us. They are universal. They are part of the human condition and they’re not going away.

We find them in challenging situations like stay/leave decisions, sitting in the void of transitions, asking a “dumb question”, challenging a boss, holding someone to account, speaking up, stepping in, the boredom of a repetitive task, getting up in the cold to go for a walk…

There are so many instances in our day to day lives where these internal experiences get in the way of us doing what we know we need to do.

Very rarely do we lack information about what to do in these situations or even how to approach them. Nearly always we need to connect to the importance of why we would attempt them in the first place.

So let’s begin the work to create that clarity for you.

Reinvention Note

We’ve been building your Reinvention Note as we go.

In the past three chapters, we’ve:

1. Contemplated death and made a commitment to ourselves.
2. Learned how we can begin to Open Up, to be willing to experience difficult thoughts and feelings by using the two evidence-based practices of De-fusion and Acceptance.
3. Crafted a mindfulness practice that you can begin to implement immediately to help you Be Present.

There’s only one more pillar of the Triflex to go.

Let’s personalise this pillar for you: Do What Matters.

Do What Matters

Write a new header in your note: Do What Matters.

In this final part of your Reinvention Note we’re going to answer 6 questions. We’re not aiming for perfection. Instead we’ll get to a first version as quickly as possible.

Set a timer of 30 seconds for each answer.

(From taking thousands of people through these questions, experience shows that our intuition is strong. Often whatever shows up in the first 30 seconds is 80-90% of the way there. Additional time just leads to word-smithing, perfectionism and self judgement, all of which get in the way of the most important part by far: starting.)

6 Questions

1. What are your values?
2. Who is important to you? It can be specific people or groups of people. An important follow on question: Did you put your own name on the list? From my experience with this exercise, only 1 in 20 people include themselves on this list. This is an exercise in self awareness. Without you, there is no relationship to anyone or anything else. We must be able to manage our own priorities, our own time, our own energy in order to serve those we care most about. Please make sure your name is on the list.
3. What is important to you? This can be broad or specific. They might be goals, concepts, aspirations. Up to you.
4. What is your purpose? This is often a tricky question for people. **For now, just take a guess. Write down whatever first springs to mind. Even if it feels cliche or weak. Later on, you can find a deeper dive into finding your Purpose here.
5. What would you willingly do for free?
6. What energises you?

Now that you have these answers in your note, reflect for a moment on your answers.

It’s less about having perfect “answers” for these questions and more about understanding the themes that emerge. Your initial responses can help you uncover the core of what truly matters to you.

Because from here, you have the power, the freedom and the responsibility to take these responses from this very first version to refine them into something you feel deeply connected to. That you would be willing to embrace the “broken glass” for.

Because We Care

Do What Matters is not about intentions.

It is about getting clear on what is most important – values, purpose, people, goals – so we can take committed action that will lead us towards those things.

Because we typically don’t experience tough emotions and thoughts while we’re washing the dishes.

These don’t show up because we are weak, broken, inadequate or something is missing.

No.

It is because we care.

In fact, the more we care, the more likely the tough stuff is to show up.

It’s why the exam feels harder than the exercises.

It’s why practice feels easier than the performance.

It’s why the most difficult conversations can be with the people we care about the most.

It’s why parenting can feel like the best and hardest job in the world.

It’s why the day I landed in the Olympic Village I thought I had a stomach infection. And it’s why the day I left the village it stopped.

Towards and Away

So when it comes to doing what matters, there is an urgent need to reframe the language we use to talk about our behaviour.

As a society we are currently obsessed with Positive and Negative.

The reframe I would love us to adopt is Towards and Away.

Because the challenge with using Positive and Negative as descriptors is that so often a behaviour that moves us towards purpose, values, the people, the health, the work, the relationships, the goals and things most important to us does not feel positive. Especially in the beginning.

If we are constantly waiting to feel good, feel comfortable, feel confident, feel competent, we would never start anything.

We need to get clear on what we are moving towards and be willing to accept the discomfort of those behaviours as the price of entry to doing what matters.

The beauty of this is that every single one of us has past experience of sitting with the discomfort of making towards moves.

As children we learned to read, write, ride bikes, climb trees, crawl, walk, run. We are extraordinary. And we can bring that to life again by defining what matters and the doing it.

Often we have deep experience in sitting in the discomfort of doing what matters in one part of our life whether that’s at work, in our relationships, in our health.

The opportunity is translate that competence in working with discomfort, to the area in our lives that needs the focus now.

We’ve done what matters before. We can do what matters again.

You, me, humanity? We can be truly extraordinary.

Don’t Miss The Monday 3 Newsletter