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I’m writing a book. The working title is: Reinventing Mindset: A rapid, evidence-based guide to manage stress, improve performance and play your infinite game.
And I need your help.
For this book to have the impact I want, I’m releasing each chapter as I write it for feedback.
So please, as I share these, let me know:
What do you love? What do you hate? Is there something missing? Is there something to be removed? Do you have any questions? Does this need more examples?
Here are the previous chapters:
- Start Here
- Mindset Lessons From My Toughest Olympic Moment
- My 2016 Crucible And Why Psychological Flexibility Matters
- Contemplating Death: The Unexpected Path To Personal Commitment
- Open Up: Two Proven Methods To Manage Stress In Work, Health and Relationships
Thank you in advance! Let’s jump into Chapter 6.
In order to develop psychological flexibility we have:
- Contemplated death and made a commitment to ourselves.
- We then learned how we can begin to Open Up, to be willing to experience difficult thoughts and feelings by using the two evidence-based practices of De-fusion and Acceptance.
Let’s continue to personalise the toolkit of psychological flexibility for you.
Here’s the ACT Triflex again.
It’s time to go to the top of the triangle: Be Present.
Be Present
This pillar is about developing our ability to be present, in the moment and to observe our thoughts as thoughts and feelings as feelings. Not necessarily to feel good, but to recognise that even when we have such little control of the world around us and inside us, we still have a choice of what we do and how we want to act.
Mindfulness is a critical part of this pillar.
Mindfulness is often misconstrued as sitting in a corner, with a cushion and a candle saying Om to the universe.
Instead, I’ve come to see mindfulness, particularly in situations of stress and pressure, as the scalpel that sits between our reaction (which we can’t control) and our response (which we can choose).
I like the definition of mindfulness from Jon Kabat-Zinn (author and founder of the Stress Reduction Clinic at the University of Massachusetts):
“Mindfulness is paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally.”
Why is it important?
By connecting to the present moment, we can focus on doing what matters (task-focussed attention). We can align our choices, decisions and behaviours with the people most important to us, our deepest values, our sense of purpose, our goals, our hopes, our aspirations.
Cutting edge science continues to validate the beneficial effects of millennia old mindfulness practices on attention, memory, executive function, and cognitive flexibility – all great things for both wellbeing and performance.
How to practice mindfulness
What does that definition of mindfulness actually mean in practice?
In simple terms there are three parts to a mindfulness practice:
- Focus: We focus on something (eg breath or sound).
- Drift: We inevitably drift away from that focus as our thoughts, feelings or sensations distract us or pull us away.
- Come back: We notice we’ve drifted and come back to our focus.
Focus. Drift. Come back. Repeat.
The beauty of mindfulness is that it can’t be done “wrong”.
It’s the inevitable drifting and coming back that are the reps in the mindfulness gym that, with practice, can lead to the benefits described earlier and even change the physical structures in our brains.
There are a tonne of apps out there (eg Headspace, Calm, Insight Timer) to help us practice mindfulness.
But the reality is that we don’t have to have an app. It’s less about doing mindfulness and more about being mindful. And that can be practiced in literally every moment of a day.
The present is always available to us through our senses: sight, smell, touch, taste and hearing.
It doesn’t take up more time. It doesn’t require a special place. It just takes a choice to engage more deeply with the present moment.
Here are some examples.
Daily mindfulness examples
Here are three common daily situations that I use to practice mindfulness.
Coffee
When I’m not being mindful, I’ll find myself at the bottom of a cup of coffee wondering where it went.
When I am mindful, I sit with my coffee and connect to it.
- How does it smell?
- How does it taste?
- What is the temperature of the cup on the palm of my hands?
- Can I see the steam rising?
- Can I hear the coffee being prepared?
Water
I do something similar with my first glass of water each morning.
I hold the glass with both hands, close my eyes and as I drink the water, I recite my values to myself in my mind: Love, Gratitude, Humility, Exploration, Contribution.
I’ll try to notice the temperature of the glass, the texture and temperature of the water in my mouth and down my throat.
Food
A very simple mindfulness practice for food is simply to stop and smell your food before eating. Or, just like coffee, you could apply the same set of sense questions to food too:
- What does it smell like?
- What does it taste like?
- What texture does it have?
- What does it look like?
In each of these examples, for just a couple of seconds, I’ve purposefully focussed my attention on a subject and in the present moment, tried to truly experience it non-judgementally.
That’s it.
So let’s personalise a practice for you.
Building a practice for yourself
Open your Reinvention Note in your phone. Create a new header: Be Present.
Now add these to your note.
Every day mindfulness
In helping people develop a mindfulness practice, my first question is:
- What is something you do everyday (or nearly everyday)?
Like the examples above, it could be your first glass of water, a shower or a coffee.
This becomes the anchor.
The next step is:
- How can you pay attention to this experience through your senses?
It might be through any or all of your senses sound, sensation, taste, smell, sight.
With these two questions you’ve built yourself a personalised mindfulness practice that slots perfectly into your existing patterns and habits.
Add this single, every day activity to your note under Be Present.
Breath
Another common tool for mindfulness is breath because it is always with us. One breath pattern I use and recommend for many people is Dr Andrew Weill’s 4-7-8 breath.
To do this breath, you breathe in for 4 counts, hold that breath for 7 counts and breathe out for 8 counts.
I’ll often repeat this three times, but even a single, conscious breath can be enough to ground ourselves and focus on the task at hand.
Add 4-7-8 to your note under the Be Present heading.
My favourite mindfulness tool
And finally, of all of the mindfulness tools I’ve explored, my favourite is a single question:
- What if this is the last time?
There is something about this question that demands we come back to the present and at the same time asks us Who we want to be in this moment? How do we want to act?
For this reason, I find it to be the most powerful of mindfulness tools.
Whether it’s with my family, friends, speaking to a group or coaching a client, at the gym, standing in the sun, it reminds us of the fragility of life and to appreciate this moment. Because we may not get another.
Add that question to your note: What if this is the last time?
A final word on mindfulness
Remember that we don’t need to do mindfulness, we need to be mindful.
We’ve covered 3 simple mindfulness techniques that you can incorporate into your day with very little extra time required:
- The 4-7-8 breath
- You’ve developed a practice that is personalised to your daily habits
- The single question: What if this is the last time?
Mindfulness is something we want to practice daily so that when the pressure is on, we can use it as a tool to notice our reaction and choose our response.
Because as the Greek poet Archilochus said:
“We don’t rise to the level of our expectations; we fall to the level of our training.”
Now we’ve been through Be Present, it’s time to personalise the last pillar of the triflex for you: Do What Matters.
Let’s go.