The final board meeting was over.
He was away from home and as he walked back towards his hotel, my client knew he wasn’t going to be a part of these discussions ever again.
He would no longer be at the table steering and leading the decisions that impacted the business’ tens of thousands of clients and thousands of employees and their families.
The pressure would be less but, at the same time, the phone was going to start ringing less. Meeting invitations might slow down.
He noticed the feeling of loss and sadness.
He noticed the pain of the threat to his relevance.
It all made sense.
He’d dedicated 44 years of his life to this organisation. The decision to leave wasn’t an idea any more. It had become real.
At the same time, he reflected on his decision to move aside, to make way for fresh talent, for new ideas. To hand over the reigns to allow succession to happen.
He also reflected on the plans moving forward.
The travel he wanted to do and the activities he had begun to pick back up. But most importantly it was the people – his partner, children and grandchildren that he was going to be able to spend more time with and be present with.
It had been an intentional changing of the guard and while the discomfort and sense of loss were real, he also found peace at the heart of his decision.
To step back was the right thing to do.
So what to do now?
Well, that was simple – even if it didn’t feel easy. We’d planned for this last board meeting and the aftermath.
Now it was the time to go back to that plan and keep doing the reps in the last 6 months before the final transition date and beyond.
A year earlier we’d sat down for a coffee.
I’ve been 44 years in this business – from junior to board member.
I’ve been through mergers, acquisitions, crises and celebrations. I joined when we were a local business and now we are thousands nationally with relationships all over the world.
It’s been an incredible ride.
I’m planning to wind back in the next 18 months and I’m self-aware enough to know it might hurt.
I’ve watched friends and colleagues take this step and it hasn’t all been pretty.
After a flurry of golf games and a bit of time at the beach, I’ve watched them start wondering what to do. The phone stops ringing. They’ve felt isolated, alone, unwanted. They lose their sense of purpose. They start getting cranky about the way the business is being run, second guessing decisions. They become curmudgeonly.
I don’t want that to be me.
I have a bunch of people telling me what I could or should do and how I should do it. But I need to find my own path.
I want to leave well and hit “the date” feeling clear and excited about the next chapter.
Would you be able to help?
Succession
I have a particular soft spot for major transitions like succession.
I’ve been through numbers of my own as an Olympic athlete leaving sport and resigning from not just one but two companies I’ve founded.
They can be challenging periods.
For the person leaving, there’s the erosion of relevance, the uncertainty of what comes next, the loss of structure previously dictated by an organisation and the reinvention of identity after years of playing a role – often a high intensity, high stimulation one.
In many cases, especially for founders and business owners, it can feel like leaving their “baby”. There is a loss of purpose and it needs to be replaced.
Also for the organisation, there’s a change in relationship with the leaver – from leader to advisor and mentor – to create a space for constructive, continuing contribution and at the same time allowing the room for successors to forge their own path.
In succession settings, we’re dealing with a person who is in many ways at the height of their powers – finances, networks, experience – and are about to get more rich in time and the freedom of how they spend it.
Rather than “putting people out to pasture” how can we maximise their ongoing meaningful contributions?
They are far too valuable to squander.
3 techniques for dealing with the doubts and fears
It is both normal and certain that fears and doubts will show up through these periods as well as exhilaration and excitement about the prospect of freedom and what it might represent.
With my client we explored the situations that might feel difficult in the lead up to “the date”.
Some simple examples were:
- The last board meeting
- Choosing to pick up a book or a guitar in the evening rather than working.
- Not going into the office each morning.
There were many more. In these periods, the tools and mindset techniques of psychological flexibility are incredibly helpful.
Technique #1 – Writing down the fears
By answering the following questions we clarified and defined the specific fears and doubts that were showing up around the transition:
- What are the tough or unhelpful thoughts, feelings, sensations?
- Where do you feel them in or around your body?
- Do they have a size, shape, colour, texture, weight, temperature?
When you write down the answers to these questions, you’re practicing an evidence-based technique that the science calls de-fusion.
Rather than trying to change your thoughts, feelings and sensations, by writing them down, you create some space between you and these internal experiences in order to handle them in a different way.
Technique #2 – Naming the challenge
A second technique is Labelling. You do that by answering a simple question.
- Can you give that whole internal experience a name?
This technique is again not to change the experience, but to help you recognise it showing up and still make values aligned choices.
Rather than fighting the internal experiences, these two techniques help you handle the tough or unhelpful thoughts, feelings and sensations in a different way by creating space and by coming to accept them as the price of entry to the change.
This is critical in succession so you don’t get hooked into unproductive behaviours and patterns that can erode relationships, waste time and money and undermine the very legacy you would like to leave.
Technique #3 – Creating mindfulness rituals
We also immediately began to practice Dr Andrew Weill’s 4-7-8 breath.
Breathe in for a 4 count, hold that breath for 7 and breathe out for 8.
This is a tool to get present.
Not necessarily to feel better, but to recognise that you still have a choice of response even when these difficult or unhelpful thoughts and feelings show up.
And mindfulness doesn’t need to take more time – you can find these opportunities in the everyday.
This client was a coffee lover, so we developed rituals for mindfulness that he could begin to practice with his morning coffee by noticing the taste and smell of the coffee and the temperature and texture of the cup.
By practicing these 3 techniques, he was able to recognise the internal experiences, come back to the present and then make values-aligned choices.
Developing the plan
Then we moved into planning.
We had 18 months to begin to develop and practice a plan prior to the day of transition.
We explored options through questions like these:
- What are your values?
- What is your purpose?
- What energises you?
- Who is important to you?
- What is important to you?
- What practices would you like to have for the rest of your life?
- How could we begin those now?
- What have you loved doing in the past?
- How could we do more of that moving forward?
Out came answers like live music, guitar, yoga, meditation, travel, swimming, cooking with his partner and family.
While occasionally there is a desire to do something new, nearly always it’s simpler to start with what has already brought satisfaction and fulfilment in the past.
Action into uncertainty
Having clarified possible directions, we began the work of re-engineering how he managed his time and priorities to bring these activities online.
Working within the context of a very full diary and substantial existing work commitments, piece by piece we experimented with small changes to daily, weekly and monthly routines. We wanted to begin the practices right now that would support him through the transition and beyond.
He identified boards of community organisations that he felt aligned with and began to develop those opportunities to “keep a hand in the game” once he left.
His fitness program was to continue.
He started play his guitar and attend live music concerts which he loved.
Rather than going “cold-turkey”, he negotiated a plan with the business to initially wind back work to 3 days per week.
Inevitably there were set backs and interruptions.
While this was frustrating at times, it wasn’t about perfect reps. It was about getting the important pieces in place and then building consistency over time.
Intentional recovery
After these kinds of high intensity, high stimulation careers, I’ve noticed that clients need to take an intentional break to create the space that can nourish them once they finally leave.
So we designed a plan that combined travel, music, family, sport – all the areas he loved – into a single itinerary for him to explore and intentionally recharge over the 6 months after “the date”.
Support and accountability
The final piece of the puzzle over the 18 months was the support and accountability throughout. This was to make sure the plan developed and that he stayed on track.
This wasn’t about intention, this was about actually making and sustaining the changes he needed and wanted.
Beyond the date
When finally “the day” arrived, he was looking forward to it and to what was coming next.
He had new structures and routines in place and knew how he wanted to develop those even further.
He had a plan for intentional, fulfilling recovery on the back of what had been an extraordinary career.
He knew exactly how he would continue to serve his family, the business he was leaving and the community around him.
He knew how he would use his power and energy in new and meaningful ways.
And he was excited by the prospect of the road ahead.
A couple of months later, I bumped into him at the pool. It was a Monday lunchtime – part of his new routine.
Even though there was still the reflex to jump back into work, he’d been able to check himself. He’d been able to remind himself that the changed had happened.
And he was thoroughly enjoying the new chapter.
It was awesome to see.
To me, the power of successfully navigating these intense transition periods is that we all benefit from the deep experience, resources and ongoing contribution of people who still have much left to give.
That’s why I love this work.
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